girlconfessions

Hello!! Well I just got home from Florida and it was a good trip overall. The youngest person with us was 18 and we didn’t have any drama or whiners, it was wonderful!

Although, we had a good trip I couldn’t help but be a little depressed seeing all the couples; it made me wish I had someone there to share it with. I know that in good time I will have that special someone, but I can’t help but get impatient at times. Though the thing that bothered me the most was how uncomfortable I was with my weight and how I look. Seeing my skinny cousins in their shorts and looking nice in pictures kind of upsets me, because I am the ONLY one on the Kohls side who has a weight problem and I hate that. My weight issues are apart of the reason I started this blog, I thought if I got things off of my mind I would be able to keep on track once I got started making a change for myself.

The problem is, I don’t know how to get started or to motivate myself. I’ve been told all my life what I should do, eat less and exercise and eat healthier foods, but the thing is I really don’t eat a lot and I am not a big sweet eater. I do, however crave a lot of carbs which aren’t good and eating smart and exercise is easier said than done. See I have lost weight in the past, but by unhealthy measures (i.e. not eating or binging and purging) Yes, I did say purging. I have bulemic off and on since I was 13 and this is the first time I have spoken of it. I don’t know how to stop. There are times when I do good and go for months with out purging and I think I broke myself of the habit, then I get upset or frustrated ( I am an emotional eater too) and I jump right back into those bad habits again.

I also weigh myself everyday, and today was no different and on the scale was the highest number I can remember ever seeing. I am so mad at myself for letting it get so bad and it makes me more frustrated, especially since I will be going on a cruise in April, I would like to have a significant amount of weight off then, and I just don’t know how to start making a change….. to start over.

So my question is how do I break myself of my bad habits, without getting frustrated or bored??

Suggestions will be helpful!